There won't be a Wordless Wednesday post today.
February 24th is a special day for me. One filled with sorrow, memories and unfortunate regrets. Because on this day last year, my friend T - my very first friend growing up in Canada - passed away.
Even when I was growing up in the 90s, racism was prevalent in school. I went to a Catholic school with an extremely low Asian population my first few years after moving from South Korea. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't understand much English but I didn't need to comprehend words. The eyes, the looks, the actions...kids made you know you were different and that different wasn't always a good thing. I still remember my cousin (sorry about the shoutout!) Justin coming back from school...crying that he didn't want to go back because of the bullies that made fun of him - it was heartbreaking. The feeling of standing by yourself at recess and getting made fun of for being different in a foreign language as a little kid... words can't do it justice.
Then there was T. This skinny, buzz cut kid that would always come up to me - smiling. He would always come sit next to me in class, include me in group games (even though I had no freaking idea what was going on) and talk to me. He was the first person to put aside our racial differences and welcome me into his life and his family. My first and most influential friend.
I had lost contact with T over the years and living in different countries didn't help much either. So when I got a random phone call from his mother this day last year about how he passed away in a car accident - it was devastating. We hadn't talked in forever and just like that...he disappeared from my life. I never got a chance to say good bye or see him as a college student like me. It all seemed like a cruel joke initially but...it wasn't. Through a simple phone call - he was gone. His death really made me realize how often we don't tell people that we care about them...and love them. So to those close and special to me - thank you for being in my life and making every day memorable.
The first time I had mac and cheese was at T's house (which was not from a blue box!) and I remember him arguing with his mother all the time about how much he hated cauliflower. The only way he would eat it was with melted cheddar cheese and I actually think that was the first time I had cauliflower also. I think he ended up liking cauliflower eventually and if he was with us today - I think he would like this dish too.
RIP TS, this one's for you. You were an amazing friend and one hell of a person.
Cauliflower Mac and Cheese
Adapted from Jennifer's Skillet Mac & Cheese, Serves 4-6
Ingredients:
- 1 pound dry elbow pasta
- 1/4 cup of unsalted butter plus more to top
- 1/4 cup of AP flour
- 2 cups of whole milk
- 1 cup of heavy cream
- 1 teaspoon of dry mustard
- 3 cups of grated cheddar cheese (I used a blend of regular cheddar, extra sharp and aged Canadian)
- 1 cup of parmesan cheese plus more to top
- 1 cup of breadcrumbs
- 1 cup of grated cauliflower
- 2 teaspoons of fresh thyme
1) Bring a large pot of salted water to a rolling boil. Add the dried elbow pasta and stir. Cook just under (about a minute) al dente. Drain, rinse with cool water and set aside.
2) Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
3) Melt 1/4 cup of butter in an 11" cast iron skillet and whisk in the flour. Cook out the flour for a couple of minutes then add in the milk and cream. Whisk constantly to make sure it's smooth without lumps.
4) Whisk in the dry mustard and season with salt and pepper.
5) In batches, melt in the cheddar/parmesan cheese. Mix a little in at a time and whisk to prevent lumps. Taste the sauce and season with salt and pepper to taste.
6) Add the cooked, drained pasta to the cheese mixture and stir until the pasta's evenly coated.
7) Mix together the breadcrumbs, cauliflower and thyme in a bowl until evenly mixed. Spread evenly on top of the pasta. Dot the top of the breadcrumb with more butter and place in the oven.
8) Bake uncovered for 20-25 minutes until browned and bubbling. I usually place it on top of a baking sheet so cleaning up isn't such a hassle. Cool for at least 5 minutes before serving.
15 comments:
I am sorry for your loss, my friend - in a time when kids can be so cruel and judgmental, he seemed like already such a stand-up guy. You honor his memory very well.
I'm sure he (and pretty much anyone with a tongue) would have liked this dish a lot :)
So sorry for you loss. Your friend showed so much openness and understanding at such a young age and even this little bit helps the rest of us know what he was like and appreciate his short time in this world. This is a lovely, sweet tribute to T.
And as a kid, I also couldn't stand broccoli or cauliflower without tons of melted cheese! Now, I'll eat them without, but melted cheese is always a great idea.
Awww that's sad - big hug to you xoxox
Sad but very nice story. Thank you for sharing. RIP T.
Thanks for sharing, Sean!
You're right - we don't appreciate people enough. I know that he will remain in your memory as a great friend for many years to come. :)
Oh so beautiful! I love mac and cheese creations! I'm definitely bookmarking this.
that was really touching- i teared up a little. i'm going to try this recipe in his honor.
Bullies are so lame. Sorry to say but: why aren't they killed in horrible accidents? Why do always the completely innocent die, the ones who make the world better?
I treat friends like family, because I don't have any family I can call family because they are just a bunch of bullies... Mistreated me as a child, so I ran off. Then moved even further away later.
So my friends became my family. I have a "open home"-policy. Come in, have dinner, sleep over. There is no rush to get home. For now all I have to offer is a couch and a blanket, but when I build my dream home, it will have a lot of spare rooms. (Which may or may not be child rooms one day, but for now: friend rooms!)
Take care of the ones you love - avoid those who drain your energy and make you feel bad about yourselves. If you use your energy on the truly loved ones, they will know. Don't waste time on those who aren't grateful for your presence. What is the point?
This is a nice tribute to a king soul.
T sounds like a beautiful friend...In his short time on Earth, he's already influenced and impacted other people, people like you, who will continue to pass on that special appreciation for good friendship...and lovely mac & cheese.
Touching post, Sean. I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm sure T appreciates this post very much!
You had me at mac and cheese! But I do love cauliflower, too. So this is doubly good in my book.
Thanks for the touching post. And, yah, I hear you, it's difficult growing up as a kid and a minority. I didn't get bullied as much (probably 'cuz I'm a girl), but I definitely always felt different, like I didn't really belong.
I learn so much about you by reading your blog, and I love it. You are definitely among the people I count as true friends at school and not just acquaintances. Thanks for sharing! I will definitely have to try this recipe. :)
Sean, a beautiful tribute to an old friend who clearly will never be forgotten. This is just the type of thing that allows T's legacy to live on.
This sounds delicious! I love using sharp cheddar in mac and cheese dishes-it makes it so rich and creamy! I love the idea of using breadcrumbs on top to give it a little crunch-yum!
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